A two bit word to describe a bully
People become the victims of bullies in so many ways. The most oblivious is the physical intimidator but there are much more subtle ways a person can be bullied.
Go back to the early days of grade school, there were usually a couple of bigger kids that used their size to force other smaller kids to do things they did not want, the paying of lunch money or stealing stuff for the bully(s). There were other ways children in school were bullied. Put downs of all types, belong to a clique or group and one was made fun of. Dress different, look different or maybe have extra thick glasses, these among other traits would lead to mockery by other students and sometimes become outcasts. Name calling is a very subtle form of bullying but like the physical form it is just as effective in controlling others. Control over others is the bottom line of bullying and making one to look self important.
Looking back at grade school, name calling was very prevalent and it was a type of control. Most names, people call others are a type of put down, IE four eyes for the kid with super thick eyeglasses. The kid was just a bit different and to control that difference a derogatory name was put on them. Step back and look how names are used to label people into categories, easier to control. Then with tonal inflection these labels become put downs.
Progressing from grade school to middle school/junior high the name calling intensifies and the playground bullies have recruited new allies. If there was no consequences for verbal abuse in grade school the behavior will continue to the next grades. Lack of consequences is very strong in reinforcing behavior. Name calling becomes bolder and verbal abuse becomes an accepted practice. So many children see adults being abusive with their words and their parents exchanging hateful barbs at other drivers or shoppers etc.
Unless the child grows up in a home with limits on behavior and is taught how to deal with peer abuse the behavior of others becomes acceptable in their eyes. Verbal abuse becomes a cool thing and to be part of the group one has to participate.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will not hurt me,” was a saying used to deflect from the pain inflicted by the abusers. Yet many a child has gone home teary eyed because of the name calling and others bury. Then there are others that react in a very aggressive manner to abuse. They lash out in surprise attacks on the perps’, sometimes resulting in very violent physical confrontations. There are victims and there are perpetrators and most end up with a passive aggressive personality and for whatever reason they seek out like. Victims hang out with other victims for it is easier to bully a victim. If a person cannot be bullied and made into a victim is makes the perp even madder and often they will resort to harsher tactics trying to exert control over them.
There are many who do not want to be victims and they stand up to the bully and sometimes the bully understands and goes looking for weaker targets. The thief is a good example of this, they pick on a target that easy to take down or rob. The better the security system the less likely one will become a victim.
Progressing on to High School the behavior does not change, the verbal abuse continues as does the playground bullies. Often the gangs are cemented here by the group with the biggest amount of bullies and members of the gangs grow more overt. Language of control becomes more emblazoned and the threats become more real. The non- gang members are part of this scene and if there are no major consequences to stop the bullying it becomes acceptable behavior and a way of dealing with adversaries, people in different cliques or the loners. This behavior is carried on into adult life.
The work place becomes a new hallway and the putdowns of language are still bantered around the job. Workers find verbal put downs as a way to further their careers and the victim just accepts it as a way of life because of past history. It becomes a separation of groups for there others that do not like this type of behavior and separate from the verbal abusers. In social settings it becomes easier to pick out the passive and the assertive. The assertive express they do not like it and the passive accept the abuse.
Wanting to maintain the illusion of control the abuse continues. Name calling, put downs escalate and the cat calls echo through work areas.
It is amazing how many ways mankind is abusive and in most instances it is not considered being abusive, it has grown to a sub conscious level and become a second nature behavior.
Words can have a very devastating effect on people, resulting in serious conflicts, such as domestic violence. Most spousal abuse begins in verbal and mental abuse ending up in physical actions.
Abuse happens, there are times there are consequences but most abuse is seen as cool. Take a gander at the political scene. These people can come up with some of the nastiest name calling and like all forms its purpose is to control someone.
A debate is to persuade others to see to see my position. Arguments are put forth, facts are presented and the banter goes back and forth. Name calling is not debating; it is still a form of abuse. When one’s position is becoming weak the bully will become an attacker and in the halls of congress it becomes a war of words. This abusive language is reported and flows out to the general public but because of circumstances it is just dismissed by the public, except for a few. A few take it for what it is, an attempt to victimize them and they lash back. Then the bully puffs up and brings out harsher language.
Read an editorial years ago in a national news magazine. It said in effect the democrats had woke up the sleeping republicans by the jabs and barbs they were calling them. It went on to say the republicans were going about their business in a decorum way and the democrats were hurling names at them and making a mockery of them. This was about 30 years ago this was published. It appears the republicans did not fully wake up for the democrats are still running them down with various name calling and try to mock them.
Like the verbal abuse in school was used to control peers, illusion of such, the democrats are still using a school tactic to control their opponent. One thing though, many republicans do not like being victims and they fight back. Problem is some of the republicans are resorting to bully tactics of calling the democrats names and using put downs like the democrats have been doing for years.
Sarah Palin has become a lightning rod for the abuse of democrat name calling for Sarah does want to be a victim which makes the democrats even madder that they cannot victimize her. To victimize someone gives the illusion of controlling them. Look how effective they rhetoric has been from the White House in victimizing the populace. The President has referred to the republicans as being terrorists and others labeled the republicans as being the party of no. Both monikers very controlling put downs and there have been others.
The democrats love victims for then they feel they have control. Look at the social welfare programs how they victimize people. Rather than helping people get back on their feet, these programs put the recipients at the mercy of the government. The illusion of control drives many of the laws that are passed by congress.
So I look at self, do I want to become a victim?